Ugliest Halloween Costumes

Halloween is an extra special time for ghouls, vampires, sorcerers, evil witches, and monsters of all sorts. The only night in the year when the nightmarish people are allowed to rear their ugly mugs at our doors. The only time in the year when we, the normal people, the Dursleys of this world, will reward them with candies and other treats.

We all forget we are Vernon and Petunia, and applaude our Little Dudley's commendable efforts to look less like a muggle, and more like an otherwordly creature.

Traditionally, we will make everything possible to deface ourselves by sporting costumes, masks, and make-ups directly inspired by our deepest, innermost fears. Outside of Halloween night, we could not imagine ourselves opening our doors and smiling to a zombie-like half-dead thing sprung out of The Amityville Horror.

Halloween night gives life to our most dreaded nightmares, and we allow ourselves to make fun of our terrors because tradition sanctified the practice. Facing Count Dracula, we are armed with the cross and the garlic of our forefathers, and the reassuringly firm belief that it's all but a show.

And yet, aren't we all soooo herdlike in our choices?

Though we allow ourselves to wear death-eating masks and blood-dripping fangs, to go from door to door perched on scrawny brooms and clad with tattered rags, aren't we all... doing

the same thing?

- "Mr. Jones next door are holding their Halloween party tomorrow night, Honey, and we are invited to show up under our best vampire attire!"

- "No doubt Mrs. Jones will dress her usual sexy witch."

Bah umbug! So unimaginative. So passé. So been-there-done-that.

What about being daring, going out of beaten track, exploring new Halloween vistas?

Ridiculous.

This is the term to characterize the spirit we are looking for. Ridiculous.

Let's all dare to be be downright ridiculous.

Make fun of ourselves.

Let's all shed the traditional Halloween gothic garb, and wiggle ourselves into hard-to-assume anti-hero personalities.

Any costume ideas?

The Nerd Halloween costume: He's completely zany, foolishly unaware of his ridiculous appearance, impervious to the criticism of the 'in' crowd.

The Cupid costume: Half-way between the transvestite, and Napoleon Dynamite.

The Nacho Libre costume: A cross between Superman and a WW Wrestler.

The Pimp costume: Huggy Bear meets Larry Flint. That's a truth or dare. Even better for white breads.

The Hugh Heffner Playboy costume: If you are fat, that's the one for you.

The Zoot costume: Another extravagantly ridiculous don for whites.

By definition, 'ridiculous' is 'laughable'. Will you dare to be the object of laughter of all the Muggle Halloweeners?

All these costumes can be purchased at low prices here.